邁出第一步

For some people forgiveness feels impossible because they have no idea how to go about it. The first and most important thing you need to accept is that the act of forgiveness is not going to be

easy. In fact, it will probably be the hardest thing most of us ever have to do.

It seems totally unfair that we should have to forgive when we're the ones who have been hurt. And that's the crux of forgiveness. It seems unfair because it is unfair. Otherwise what would there be to forgive? Forgiveness is about pardoning things that are essentially inexcusable. After all, if something can be excused, it doesn't need forgiving, does it?

The saying "Forgive and forget" may roll off the tongue,but it's as shallow as it is short. For one thing, it's downright impossible. For another, it misses the whole point of forgiveness. The things we most need to forgive in life are the things we can't forget. Rather than sweeping them under the carpet,we need to draw a line under them, deliberately choosing not to count them against the person who did them, and moving on.

That's why, sometimes, the initial act of forgive-ness may seem relatively easy, but dealing with the emotions that follow every time you see that person, or speak to them or just think about them, can be harder to deal with. True forgiveness is not an act, it's a constant emotional confrontation.

And the longer you wait to forgive someone, the harder it becomes. Time really doesn't heal, it just gives the bitterness and resentment longer to eat away at you from inside. If you wait for the "right time" you may never do it.